IN THE ELEVATOR

Here are some things you can do in a lift (as we call it here).

1. Stand silently and motionless in the corner facing the wall. Don't get off at any floor.
2. Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.
3. Stare and grin at another passenger for a while. Finally announce, "I've got new socks on!"
4. Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce "You're one of them!" and move to the far corner of the elevator.
5. Say "I wonder what all these do", and push all the buttons. Don't forget to push the "Emergency Stop" button
6. Congratulate all for being in the same lift with you.
7. Shave
8. When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves
9. On the highest floor, hold the door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft go "plink" at the bottom
10. Bet the other passengers you can fit a shilling in your nose
11. Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side
12. Burp, and then say "mmmm...tasty!"
13. Listen to the elevator walls with a stethoscope
14. Bring a chair along
15. Hum the old KBC news tune
16. Pull your gum out of your mouth in long strings.
17. Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button
18. Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger.
19. Scratch yourself excessively saying "fucking head lice. They're all over me.
20. Let out a loud fart, point to the dude next to you and exclaim 'You are the one!"
21. Start to talk about your sex life. Tell them that all of your three children were conceived in this very lift. And point and say "it was up against that wall"
22. Hand out leaflets - "what to do when the lift cable breaks. The ten tips that will keep your body in one piece (although these tips will not save your life, it will make the rescue a bit cleaner, and we wont have to spend ages cleaning the blood of the walls) Hope you will live to do it again!"
23. Act surprised when it starts to move and say "THE GROUND IS FALLING!"
24. Fake an orgasm when the lift starts to move. Announce that it was your best ever
25. Walk in to the lift with a clear bottle of apple juice. Start drinking and say "ah, theres nothing like your own urine to quench your first. Does anyone want some?"
26. Say "this new g-string is really starting to hurt." Then attempt to adjust it
27. Walk into the lift and say "this reminds me of being buried alive. Ah those were the days"
28. On entering, ask the passengers "Will you be my friend?". Burst into tears if they say no.
29. Get back to nature - go in naked
30. Pretend to be the pilot of the lift, speech into a headset "this is lift number 1, ready for decent to 1st floor. Waiting for permission to depart, over"
31. Serve tea and coffee
32. As you are coming to the end of the journey, get emotional and have a group hug. Tell them that you will never forget them.
33. Bring out a magnifying glass, closely inspect the other passengers skin and say "ooh, look at your pores"
34. Bring out a fake toy gun and shout to the person next to you "you lookin' at me?"
35. Challenge the guy stood next to you to a "thumb war".
36. While the doors are opening, hurriedly whisper, "Hide it...quick!" then whistle innocently
37. Explain to the passengers that this lift looks the same as the ones on all the other floors.
38. Release cockroaches and rats or doves.
39. Start a sing-along
40. Say I wonder what all these do and push the red buttons
41. Blow spit bubbles
42. When there is only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
43. Push a button, pretend it gave you a shock. Smile and go back for more
44. Drop a pen, wait for someone to pick it up and then yell, "That's mine!"